dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
