I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
