I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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