I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
