I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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