ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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