Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
