That's intense
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
