1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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