Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
