No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
