I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK