Your mouth is God's brothel.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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