Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.