Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
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He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?