i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.