u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING