just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like