I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive