Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.