if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
