The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
