he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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