ADVERTISEMENT

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...

  Fav 4 1987 832

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

  Fav 10 3869 760

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

  Fav 10 4337 1344

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY

  Fav 20 6580 1032

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

  Fav 11 6677 1877

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,

  Fav 10 4345 1566

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

  Fav 12 2280 1097

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

  Fav 7 2087 920

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.

  Fav 8 1597 877

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

  Fav 14 3036 1258

  share tweet
  

• (805): View more from California

  Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?

  Fav 7 1555 670

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?

  Fav 14 2030 1393

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.

  Fav 16 1849 751

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it

  Fav 0 508 776

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless

  Fav 2 711 478

  share tweet
  

Randomize