im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.