Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(705): View more from Ontario

and you said cock pushups were impossible

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(561): View more from Florida

So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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(254): View more from Texas

just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(260): View more from Indiana

i just snorted my name. best moment ever

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(804): View more from Virginia

also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.

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(817): View more from Texas

Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.

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(660): View more from Missouri

I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security

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