apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.