I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis