Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.