I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
