One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
