11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm at about main and main street
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
