i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
