NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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