3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
