Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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