guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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