Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
