i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
