too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
