i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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