she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
