is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.