look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
