wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.