DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.