she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed