HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.