He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
