Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
