i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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