no, he came in my armpit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
