the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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