three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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