ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
