I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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