Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
