They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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