Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
