based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
