well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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