Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love accidental penises.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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