Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
