Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
