I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize