So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
