champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
