i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
