woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
