I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
