I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
