I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
