if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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