I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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