the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize