Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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