3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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