well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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