in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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