a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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