Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
