We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
