Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
false alarm, still single
Randomize
