At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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