who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That accounts for only three of the penises
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
