I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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