i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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