So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
