Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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