found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
